Don’t Judge Me!

No one likes to be judged, not by self, nor by others. And yet we do it. All the time. We are so hard on ourselves and the people around us. So so hard.

Judgment is a false narrative, the unforgiving voice in our heads telling us that we are no good, idiots, failures and not worthy of love. Most of us are walking around beating ourselves up emotionally all day long. And the worst part? We don’t even realize we are doing it! We assume it’s normal to constantly criticize ourselves.

It is not.

Sadly, most of us were taught a way of learning that is far some exploration and encouragement, but rather ‘no, not like that’, ‘you are doing it wrong’. So much so we have internalized the judge voice.

The judgment comes in three different flavors: we judge ourselves, we judge others and we judge circumstance.

What would it look like, feel like, if we instead approached life with curiosity and compassion? Instead of the automatic voice in our head saying ‘oh my god, can’t you ever get it right?’ when you forget an appointment? Or ‘what is wrong with me?’ when you stumble on a presentation?

The thing is that you won’t remember more or present without stumbles because you harshly judged yourself. Au contraire. Now you are more compromised because you are also trying to avoid the harshness, further limiting the energy and flow you need for your presentation.

Trust me, I’m not saying to turn a blind eye to mistakes. You are right, the goal is not to keep missing or being late for appointments. Nor do I want you to put up with poor behavior from others, giving them too much grace and feeling like a doormat letting people walk all over you.

Rather, I’d like to invite you to come at it from a different angle.

It’s called discernment.

When we discern, we look at all the angles, the facts if you will. We fact check before we jump to assumptions. And then we discern. We might notice that we are late for an appointment yet again. It is. Now instead of allowing the harsh autopilot to take over, where you feel even worse, you look at how you ended up here. Was there an overly ambitious schedule? Was there a snag somewhere along the way? Was it something you had control over? Name it.

Next, give yourself grace. Say something encouraging to yourself. Take responsibility without the judgment and then look at ways to prevent it from happening again.