2 ears and 1 mouth

We have been equipped with 2 ears and 1 mouth and still, most of us talk at least twice as much as we listen. I mean actually listen.

Often, we have the notion that we are in power when we are talking, taking charge of the conversation. When in actuality we often get more out of our interactions when we listen. And I don’t mean listen to reply or defend, I mean listen to understand. 

When we listen to understand we temporarily suspend our beliefs. We put our assumptions aside, instead of ‘knowing’ what the other person will say and what they mean, we open our ears, our mind and our heart putting ourselves in the other person’s place and give them the space to share what they are thinking and feeling. Instead of assuming that we understand we go a step further to ensure understanding by asking questions. And not just any questions, but ‘clarification questions’.

This can feel tricky; am I supposed to admit I don’t know? So much of our perceived competency is in ‘knowing’, it makes us look smart. Or so we think. In reality it’s much smarter to ensure that you know and understand. Asking questions like ‘Am I getting that right?’ or a prompt such as ‘Tell me more’ will surely get you more: more context, more information, more feeling, more understanding. It’s simple, but not easy. It requires practice.

And it’s well worth it!